Death and Dieing

Watching a parent die is a humble and painful time. Death is a nebulous subject and there are many philosophies, but the reality doesn't hit home until a parent makes it clear she is tired of living. Difficulty breathing, chest pain, insufficient digestive movement, memory loss, low energy are some of the symptoms that make life unbearable. Having a stranger enter the home to aid in the simplest house duties is demeaning and humiliating. Talking with family about final arrangements paints a vision of the inevitable and the dieing is forced to face the end time.

What about friction and unhappiness within the family? Adult children and granchildren might have different ideas and opinions concerning funeral ceremonies. How do families with little or no communication come together? How does the family come together during a time of emotional stress? Who decides the final arrangements if the dieing parent has not left final instructions?

The expense of the final arrangements is another factor that confuses an already emotional time. Cremation is more than $1500 in most instances with casket and ceremonial funerals even more costly. If the dieing has not made financial arrangements, the cost falls on the family's shoulders.

A simple trust account is one solution to the financial shock of final arrangements. A trust that is set up with a funeral specialist allows deposits to the account in preparation for the funeral expenses. Who supports the trust can be shared among the family or prepared in advance by the dieing. Love rather than family strife should be the deciding factor, but of course love is not always the case.

I recommend that families candidly discuss final arrangements well before a need arises. Trust me when I say that the stress of watching a parent die is not the time to deal with a funeral's finance when emotional issues are a priority.